from the start

i woudnt say i have had a hard life, but in my own way, it has been really hard. i read about all these people that have been abused or suffering from poverty ect... and i notice how easy my life has been. im only 14 and have all the hard parts of life to come but, what people dont understand is that being a teenager is harder than what you think. we have all these little things we must do to fit in or be accepted. it was easy for me when i moved i was welcomed by a big group of friends that really helped me settle in.

i dont even no what i want to put really but i will give this a go xD

i have already mentioned that i have moved so i will just fill you in a bit more on that. it was about six months ago now and i still feel lost. we have moved a hour and a half away from all my family and friends and seeing them is a rarety. i have moved from a busy town to a quiet village where the people here are different. i found this all hard at the beggining but now it seems normal. the set out for me having to go to school is taking a bus for 40 minutes, which isnt as long as it sounds, although it does get boring. i like it in a way as i get to think about things while i am on the way there and back. the school i am in now isnt as good as my old one and i am slowely going down with my grades. which im not proud of but it was hard catching up.

anyway, since i have moved i have been having these really weird dreams, im walking down all the streets that i used to live near, alone. there is no one anywhere, all i do is walk from one street to another looking around, sometimes it even feels as if im there, if that makes sence. all i can do is think about nottingham, it seems to be taking over my life, everytime someone mentions it i fell as if, well i cant explain it but its almost as if i have to listen. even now while i am writing this my head is going down a familiar street or road. its not only dreams but while i am in class, talking to people, day dreaming im always there looking at a street. its really starting to annoy me as i cannot concentrate on things im in a daze. i think it may just be my messed up way of getting over the big change.

i have just finished reading this book called "abandoned" and it has really got to me. the things that that little girl had to grow up with and doing makes me feel sick. nothing like that has ever happened to me and never will. even when she has got older she is still scard from her childhood, meeting the wrong people that have only made it worse. im glad she is living her life well now :)

i wish i was older, knowing what i wanted to do and really being able to take controll of my life. im scared as i really dont have any idea of what career i want to do, all i no is that i really want to learn to drive, that is one of my personal goals i have set, mainly because my mother hasn't learnt to drive yet and i have seen how hard it been for her getting from A to B in the past. now we are living in a village it is even worse. im glad she is taking her test again, i can see how scared she is and i only hope she will do it. she will know how much it will mean to me as i have wanted her to drive since i was very young.

anyway about my mum, she has had a few problems in the past and i am glad she is getting over them. im not going to say what because it isnt fair on her but they all started after grandad died, she still crys now when she gets sad. dont worry im not talking about drugs or anything :)

this may sound silly but the one thing i want when im sad is my dog. she has always been next to be when im sad, i just wish i could show her back. at the moment she has a poorley foot and is looking so sorry for herself. bless her. it has really annoyed me actually. someone has smashed a glass bottle and she has gone and trood in some. we usally woudnt let her go near it but this was her last walk at night and no one saw it untill we got home. she has a bandage on it and she really dosent seem fussed by it as she usally would when she gets something new. i really woudnt no what i would do without her, i have bonded with her so much since we got her.

its getting late so im going to go to bed for a bit. i will most probebly write again soon as i have the day off school tomorrow as the teacher are on strike. i havent planned anything but might cathch a bus down to barton to see my friends. which is always nice xD